Tearjerker Lives Again

After much contemplation, last November I decided to shoot some pick-ups and re-edit Tearjerker to make aspects of the story more clear. Over the break in December I got back together with Anna and Tim and shot some new stuff as well as re-shot a scene. Who knew 6 months after the premiere in June we'd be back together working on stuff for it. For the last couple of months I've been editing the new version and fixing the little things that always bugged me. I must say I'm pretty happy with how its coming. The new version of Tearjerker will be premiering this April at the Biola Film Festival (if it gets in).

On another note, last November I shot my first official music video with artist David Webster. I'm currently finishing tweaking this one in post and it will also premiere at the Biola Film Festival (if it gets in). This one will hit the web shortly after, so for those that won't make the festival you'll be able to watch it. So mark it on your calendars, April is the month for new.

We Will Forget

As today marks the six year anniversary of the tragic day when the world trade towers and thousands of people's lives came to an end, we're surrounded by rememberance. "We remember, we remember," are words I've seen and heard everywhere today. As this day has progressed, I've been filled with some questions. Ones I don't necessarily know the answers to, but ones I want to throw out into the open.

Though we all remember the day, where we were and what we were doing when we heard the news, the lives of those taken, and the images of planes crashing into buildings, people jumping off to their deaths, smoke filling the New York streets, and buildings crashing down all engraved into our memories, I beg to differ that we have forgotten.

We have forgotten the stir of a mighty dragon that followed. We have forgotten the feeling and movement of unity this country stood strongly in. We have forgotten how easily and how quickly tragedy strook us and can strike us again. Does it really do justice for all those that lost, sacrificed their lives on that horrific day to just remember everything in the above paragraph but not the things in this paragraph? I don't. Why does our remembrance come only once a year? Why isn't our remebrance lived out in our daily lives? Do we really, truly remember 9/11, or have we forgot?

Finished

This past Friday night was the party for the cast and crew of Tearjerker. Through this project I have formed new friendships and developed and grown in already existing friendships. And that right there is one of the top reasons why I love filmmaking. I finally finished the dvd for Tearjerker and one of the special features on the dvd is an hour and a half documentary on the making of Tearjerker. It was a great time getting back together with most of the cast and crew and reminiscing over the project by watching the documentary. Tearjerker is a very special project to me and I hold everyone involved in the project very close to my heart. A very special group.

So with the dvd being finished and the party being over, Tearjerker has now come to a close. And to be honest, I don't know if I like that. Because of how special the project and all the people involved in the project are to me, it is very hard for me to be "finished" with the project. But it is. I am grateful for all the memories, experiences and effort everyone put into the project. It was an absolute joy working with everyone and I look forward to the future and hope that it holds the oppurtunity of working with all of them again.

Insomnia

For like the past few months I've been finding myself not being able to sleep at night. I really havn't thought about why. And to be honest, I enjoy staying up late. There's something about night time, a certain energy. I find that I'm 100 times more productive during the late hours of the night than any other time of the day. So I've really been taking advantage of that and enjoying it. But its starting to wear me down. Just recently it seems the more I don't sleep the more tired I am (obviously) but the more sleep I get, not only does the tiredness not go away it seems to increase. So as I'm up again tonight I did some searching around the good old world wide web.

"Short-term insomnia can be linked to events and factors that are often temporary, such as:

Adjustment sleep disorder. This form of sleeplessness is a reaction to change or stress. It may be caused by a traumatic event such as an illness or loss of a loved one, or a minor event such as a change in the weather or an argument with someone."

I know shortly after the passing of my mom I had a lot of dreams about her. All of them pretty much consisting of her still being alive. And I must say they were some of the best dreams I've had, brought me so much joy. But then I'd wake up the next morning and realize it was just a dream and then have to face the reality that she was still gone. It seemed like I kept experiencing her passing over and over again. So I guess you could say my trouble falling asleep is rooted in fear. Fear of having more dreams. Fear of waking up again and having to face that whole reality over again.

So examining the past few months I've found I've got more than just restless eyes, but a restless heart. Kind of goes back to my other blog where I described the hole I've been feeling. I just want it to be filled again and I know its something only God can fill. Just trying to learn how this whole healing process goes and I know its going to take a long time if not a lifetime. Above all at the moment I just want to actually be able to rest again. Insomnia, the witch at the foot of my bed, go away.

Gosh I've blogged about a lot of crap in my life lately. Sorry guys, just have to let it out. Helps me understand everything a little bit better.

Sad

So like I normally do late at night, I was scanning through videos on youtube tonight. Going through different music videos I stumbled upon Marilyn Manson's video for his song "Personal Jesus." Normally I don't watch his music videos simply for the reason that they're usually really weird and, well, weird. But considering the title I was interested enough to open it up. And to be honest I do like a few of his songs, musically not lyrically. Interestingly enough, in the end it wasn't the video, song, or lyrics that caught my attention, but rather some of the comments people left. There were several on there but I just picked out three to put here. I left them in their original context so yes, there are some bad words.

"God is'nt ridiculous, people just believe in "him" because the world today is very scary. It's sad that people are disillusioned. But it's also nice to have guys like Manson speaking the truth. Back when the bibble was writen there were no tv, computers, i pods ect. so i figure writing and story telling was their best entertainment. for all we know the bible could be a story"

"Yeah I dont go to "God" for answers. If someone I love is going through a major surgery, I dont ask "God" to save him. I ask the fuckin' doctors. Doctors are reality, "God" is fantasy. No disrespect to religious people."

"religion is for the weak people. people without their own mind to think what is an illusion and what is real. religion is the greatest mistification in worlds history."

I don't know about you, but reading those comments make me really sad. How deeply saddened I am for them. That there is a loving God, who created them and who wants to have a personal relationship with them, yet they deny Him. Wow, how much life they're missing out on. Things like this motivate me to live my life to the fullest, glorifying God through everything I do so that Christ can shine through my life and touch those around me. Those lost, alone and without Him.

Satisfied

So this morning I open up my myspace to see a bulletin from the band Dead Poetic (who is the band that did the song that's in my artsic, music, video Paralytic) titled, "paralytic music video." I open it up to read this:

"Hi people.
I just saw a video that a nice young fella made for our song "paralytic"
I was mighty impressed.
Go check it out if you get a minute.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4Il_zfxCPc

Madd props to nathan for his work on this.
I'm grateful.

Just thought i'd pass this along to anyone who cares.

Band contact is currently going to either my e-mail,
or my recording studio profile.
So if you need us for anything use this info.

www.myspace.com/bluebrickrecordings
or
jessesprinkle@gmail.com

Have a splendid tuesday,
sincerely,
jesse"

About a week ago I sent the video to their band contact, and a day later heard back from thier drummer Jesse Sprinkle. His response in the email was very similiar to what is above, but I didn't dream that the band would advertise the video. I can't tell you how satisfied and happy I am right now!

Motherless

I don't know why, but this has been a tough week for me. It’s been about two months since my mother went home to be with the Lord, but it still seems like yesterday that she was here. Out of no-where it seems that I've been hit with a wave. And its left me crushed and buried in the sand hurting real bad. I miss my mom so much. I can't put it into words. The best I can do to explain it is it feels like there's a hole in me. A hole that will/can never be filled. At least it feels that way. I miss her warm smile. I miss her loving words of encouragement, words of praise and words of wisdom. I miss making her smile with my goofiness and Mr. Bean impressions. I miss her arms of shelter, the place I could run to. I miss looking into the face of a Mother proud of her son. Knowing that she was behind me in everything, always lifting me up towards my dreams. I miss being able to tell you about my new film projects and showing them off to you. I miss reading to you. And so many more things I miss that could fill pages upon pages. I just wish you were still here so I could fall into your arms of love again. Mom, I miss you so much. I want so much to be re-united with you right now. If its ever been hard to have patience I think this patience is the hardest I've ever had to have and practice. The Lord has definitely been showing me His peace that surpasses all understanding, but this week has just sucked bad for whatever reason in particular I don't know. I know I will see you again Mom, but I don't know if I have the strength to be without you for much longer. Lord I cry out to You to be my strength, for without You I know I won't make it out of this valley alive.